It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize