You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
