I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
