Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
