ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
