Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
