i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
