mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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