So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
