I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
