I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
