you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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