why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
