Sponge bath it is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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