Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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