Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's like iHOP with fire
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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