How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
