I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
