okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
