***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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