I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
