Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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