I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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