Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
