It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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