you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
