Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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