Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
