biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
