hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
