I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
