He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
