I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
