I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
