sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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