was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
