The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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