Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We left the knife in your bed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
