I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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