At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
