you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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