can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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