she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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