soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were trust falling into bushes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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