My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
