remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
