It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
