I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Of course I have a pirate flag
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
