I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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