Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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